One time she-Orc meet two Dwarf who fight. Both have black beard, and them both want go by name of Black Beard. But there be only one who name Black Beard, so them get mad. Them scream. Them yell. Them shake fist. But no Dwarf back down.
So Orc watch and Orc laugh. Dwarf stop make fight and look at Orc. "What you laugh about Orc?" say one.
Or laugh more and other Dwarf step close to Orc while him hold axe like him want fight with Orc. "Why you laugh at Dwarf?" him say.
Orc finish laugh and look at one Dwarf then look at other Dwarf. Orc say, "Orc know how find out who get name of Black Beard."
Dwarf look surprise. Him put down axe. Other Dwarf look surprise too. Him say, "What that idea, Orc?"
Orc say, "It wasy. Tie beard to beard. Then pull and pull and pull. One who still have beard at end of pull win name."
Dwarf look surprise again. Them think hard, then them clap Orc on back with hand and say, "That good idea, Orc. Dwarf do that, but first all drink Dwarf ale." And them drink ale. Them give ale to Orc for drink. And then all drink ale until start for sing, then Dwarf tie beard to beard of other Dwarf. Dwarf pull. Them pull hard. Pull for long time. Sometime them fall down. Them roll around on ground. Them make blood and hair get on dirt, but beard still attach.
And Orc sit back. Orc drink ale. Orc laugh at what Orc see.
More long time go by. Dwarf tire. Them sit on ground, pull more slow, and them breathe hard. There more blood on ground. There more hair in dirt. Then one pull one more time and beard of other Dwarf come off face.
Dwarf who win stand up. Him happy. "Now me have name of Black Beard," him say.
But Orc smile and say that not happen.
Dwarf surprise. "What you mean?" him say. "Me win fight. Me win name of Black Beard."
Then Orc stand up. "Fight not over yet," Orc say, then lift up front of dress. "Orc have black beard too, but it not on face. If Dwarf want name of Black Beard, Dwarf need win beard fight with Orc."
That Dwarf get mad. Him yell. Dwarf who lose start laugh. Him say, "You make fight with Orc now for find out who get name of Black Beard."
Orc walk more close to Dwarf who win. Him still sit on dirt. Orc put Orc beard near face of Dwarf who win. Irc lift up Orc beard for tie to beard of Dwarf, but him look scare. Other Dwarf laugh. Him laugh until him roll on dirt with tear in eye.
Then Dwarf who win back up. Him back up fast. "Orc win," him say. "Orc get name of Black Beard. There no need for fight. Orc win."
And that how Orc win beard fight with Dwarf and get name of Black Beard.
(by Shaman Marrow)
